Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
