you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
