I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
