When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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