so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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