I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
