I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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