Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i permit you to call me
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Randomize
