Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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