and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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