saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
