I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
