im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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