is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
