I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i need some magic done to my vagina
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
