I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
