I just cut my nipple shaving
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Even my vagina gasped.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
