You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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