Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just found a bag of teeth...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have tasted many bathrooms
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
