i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
