i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
