I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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