I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
