Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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