3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
