i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
