Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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