I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
