At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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