if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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