First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
