Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
