Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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