he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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