I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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