Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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