boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
