My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
