my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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