does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
