we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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