obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
MIDGETS
????
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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