i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
