I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
