Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
