All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
