I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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