He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
