This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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