My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if only i could text you this smell
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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