walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
